


"Mama hates me"

by AuthorReinvented



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Family, Hurt, Love, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:08:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25038235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorReinvented/pseuds/AuthorReinvented
Summary: Sealand has just been adopted by Sweden and Finland,     but even though he has the family he's always wanted, Sealand still has a secret fear.....With some help from his new big brother Iceland, can Sealand get past his trauma?
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

_The boy is looking for his guardian, ears echoing with the sounds of war that a child his age should not have been involved in. But he's not an ordinary child. He finds the man, slumped over a beer at the table, his back to the boy. The back is all too familiar to the boy, hard and strong, unbending and proper. Rather, it would be stranger if the boy didn't recognize the back facing him. It's all he ever sees of his guardian. He can count the amount of times his guardian has look straight at him on his fingers, a saddening number._

_He reaches out his hand to grasp the edge of the jacket he can never quite seem to catch hold of, and like all the other times, the man shifts and pulls away, although this time he doesn't do it on purpose. He doesn't realize the boy is there, which is probably why he says the words the boy isn't supposed to hear._

_"It would be better if he disappeared."_

_The words are soft, muttered under his breath and slightly slurred, but not so much that the boy can't hear them, and he freezes. Does his guardian really hate him that much? He wants to ask the man if he really means that, to beg the man to tell him it's only a lie. But he isn't sure how to address the man. He's family, but the man has never told the boy what to call him. The boy isn't sure what the man is for him. A brother? A parent? The boy tries a title._

_"Papa?"_

_The man from the table rises, and turns to see him, but when he turns, it's not the same man as before. Another man who rises taller, face unreadable and intimidating behind his glasses stands there. The boy knows this man, and remembers that this man is the one who calls himself "Papa". He feels relieved, and runs to jump into the man's arms, crying, but the man moves backwards, away from him when the boy reaches out. There is another, shorter man at the taller man's side, and his eyes are scary, not like they should be._

_"Mama?"_

_The boy questions, lip trembling. But the shorter man's eyes look just like his last guardian's eyes. Aw_ _kward, and uncomfortable, and he turns his gaze away. The taller man speaks._

_"I'm not your papa."_

_The boy flinches back, and his chest is aching. Tears are rolling down his face. The shorter man tugs the other man away after him, and the boy hears his words spoken just as clearly as the man at the table had said them._

_"It would have been better if you didn't exist."_

_And the blackness comes crashing down on the boy, suffocating and drowning, and he's choking on his own sobs._

_"Just disappear."_

_And just when the boy can't take it anymore, when he's sure he's going to die,_

Sealand woke up. 


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

That dream again. Sealand shot upright in his bed, choking back the tears. He'd been with Sweden and Finland for almost 2 months now, and everytime he let his guard down, he seemed to have that dream. He slipped out of bed, the same way he always did, quietly padding to the door of the room Sweden and Finland shared. He cracked the door open just a tiny bit, but didn't go in. He could see their still forms in bed, and hear Sweden's heavy breathing, but he couldn't seem to calm his heart.

He didn't know how long he stayed there, but finally, the pounding seemed to calm down, and he managed to pull his numb fingers from the doorframe. He noticed belatedly that his feet were freezing. He turned his feet towards his room, knowing he needed to go back to bed, but wishing against all odds that someone would find him. He knew it wouldn't happen. The dream was reoccurring constantly almost every other night, and everytime he followed the same ritual, and Sweden and Finland never woke up.

Maybe that's why he was so startled when the floor creaked behind him and a soft voice called his name, a raspy whisper. "Sealand?" He whirled around. "Mama?" The hopeful plea died on his lips when he saw Iceland standing there sleepily rubbing his eyes. There was no warning, no prickling in his eyes, but all of sudden Sealand felt tears running down his cheeks and Iceland's expression turned from confused curiosity to concern. "What's the matter?" He asked crouching to Sealand's level. "Did you have a nightmare?" and Sealand's silent tears turned to full-out sobs. 

Awkwardly, Iceland pulled him into his arms. "Shh, it's not real, it's just a dream." But what if it wasn't? What if it was true? Against his will, Sealand found himself blurting out his fears. "Mama hates me!" He sobbed. Iceland turned to stone. "What?" Sealand was gasping, trying to breathe through his tears. "Papa and Mama don't want me!" He wailed. Iceland pulled back, and Sealand could feel his eyes searching his face. "There's no way that's true!" Iceland refuted firmly. Sealand shook his head. "They want me to disappear!" Iceland looked past concern, bordering on panic. He was always the baby of the family, he never had to comfort anyone before. 

Suddenly he jumped to his feet, grabbing Sealand's hand and pulling him into Sweden and Finland's room. Sealand barely had time to think before Iceland flicked the light switch and the room was flooded with light. Finland was awake instantly, and his movements in bed were quick to wake Sweden as well. "Ice?" Finland asked uncertainly, blinking at the sudden light while Sweden groped for his glasses. "What's wrong?" Iceland awkwardly tugged Sealand from where he was trying to hide behind him. "Tell them what you told me."

Sealand hid his face in Iceland's pajamas as his heart jackhammered into overdrive. Finland was fully awake now, slipping out of bed. "Nightmare?" He asked probingly. Sealand shook his head, terrified of what night happen if he told them the truth. Terrified of what they might say, that they might tell him he was right. "No." It was Iceland who answered, and his tone caused Sweden to swiftly join Finland's side, eminating concern. "It's ok." Sweden said softly, not to Finland, but to Sealand. "Trust me." Iceland insisted, tugging lightly on Sealand's hand, still tightly gripping his.

Maybe it was something about Sweden's tone, or the way that the trio watched him, not with a disturbed expression, or quickly looking away when they met his gaze, but openly and concerned, that gave Sealand the confidence to wipe his nose on his sleeve and timidly speak up. "Mama and Papa want me to disappear." He whispered. Finland gasped, and Sealand's eyes flickered up to meet his eyes, searching for a response. The response was given in a forceful hug, gripping him as though to never let go. Sweden reached for anything of Sealand not encompassed by Finland, and settled his hand on the boy's head, large and warm. 

"Th't's not true." 

Finland's shoulders shook, and he released Sealand just enough to look him in the face. Sealand was shocked to see tears glittering in Finland's own eyes. "Sealand, we love you, more than anything." He said urgently, desperate to communicate this. For a moment, Sealand was frozen. They loved him? Sealand, not even a real country? He twisted to look at Sweden, needing to confirm this, that he was wanted. Sweden's normally intimidating face wore a softer expression, brows knitted together, his eyes gentle and loving behind his glasses. "We love you." He repeated, sensing Sealand's need for confirmation.

"See?" Iceland asked, the slightest strain to his forced casual tone. "Didn't I tell you? There's no way they could hate you." Sealand stared up at him, wide-eyed, and hicupped. "You don't hate me?" "Never." Both Sweden and Finland spoke together. This time it was Sealand gripping Finland as though to never let go. Sweden pulled them both into his arms. For a moment they stayed like that, a family. Sealand didn't notice when Iceland slipped away to warm some milk for him, only realizing he'd left when he returned, pressing the warm mug into his hands.

"Drink this." Iceland offered, shyly. "Fin used to make me this when I was young." Sweden gave him a grateful look. Finland pulled a Peter and Sweden up onto the bed, settling Sweden on his left and Sealand on his lap "Here." he patted the bed beside him, and when Iceland hesitated, pulled him down beside him too. "Now, tell me why you felt that way." He commanded, gently, but undefiable. Sealand gulped some of his milk and then hiccuped again.

"England didn't want me." He admitted and Finland's mouth formed an "O" of understanding. There was no need to explain further. It was obvious to everyone at the meetings that England didn't know how to deal with Sealand and would rather him not be there. Sealand's face twisted as he remembered the look England gave him whenever he saw him, as though someone had passed him a baby and said "Hold him for a moment" and never came back to reclaim him.

He remembered the nightmares he had when he was with England, how he would get up and go running to find England, and he had told England his fears. England had never denied them, only telling Sealand it was only a nightmare and putting him back to sleep. Eventually, Sealand stopped running to England, and would watch him silently from the doorway as he worked late into the night, until Hong-Kong or Australia discovered he was still up and led him back to bed. Even they had never been able to tell him that England wanted him. 

"I'm glad that England didn't want you." Iceland spoke up awkwardly, and Sealand flinched at the words. Finland glared at Iceland and he hurried to explain. "Because if England had refused to let you go then we wouldn't have you as a part of our family now." He gave Sealand a small smile. "I was always the youngest you know, so I've always wanted to be a big brother." Sealand lit up, and Finland blinked at Iceland's usually gentle tone.

"Are you my big brother?" He asked, curiously. He'd had a lot of big brothers under England, but he barely knew America and Canada, and New Zealand and Australia were never around anymore. He was the closest to Hong-Kong, but even he was often too busy with other stuff to hang out with Sealand. "Yah." Iceland confirmed. "Me, and Norway, and even Denmark too." Sealand wiggled out of Finland's arms just long enough to wrap his small arms around Iceland's legs, as he couldn't quite reach his waist. "Big brother, thank you." He murmured, meaning it from the bottom of his heart.

If Iceland hadn't taken control of the situation, Sealand might have stayed scared forever. He crawled back on the bed in between Sweden and Finland, suddenly needing to say what he was feeling. "Mama, Papa, I love you!"

Sweden made a face he usually only made at Finland, and Finland pressed his response to Sealand's forehead with a kiss. It wasn't till over an hour later that the quarto finally fell asleep, all tangled together on Sweden and Finland's bed. They were still there late the next morning when Norway and Denmark came to pick up Iceland. Both made sure to get plenty of photos of the sleeping Iceland, still holding Sealand's hand, before they woke him.

Norway noticed the red rimmed eyes on each of the group, and Iceland pulled him aside to explain. England never understood what he did to make the entire Nordic trio (And Estonia by extension due to a close friendship with Finland) mad at him, but he wasn't oblivious to the sharp glares sent his way. It was America who saved him from certain death, by distracting everyone with a certain idea. If he hadn't, England surely would have asked them what was wrong, and if they had mentioned Sealand, his response, without a doubt, would have been a blank look and the word "Who?" and then the Nordics would have declared war on England, and everyone else who hated him would have joined in.

It took a long time after that for the nordics, Finland especially, to stop resenting England, but after that night, Sealand's nightmares stopped occurring. He wasn't afraid anymore. Unlike England, Sweden and Finland were consistant in telling him he was loved and wanted, and he had three new cool big brothers to dote on him. Sealand had never been happier.


End file.
